On Fear and Leaving North America

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Moving out!
As I enter my final two weeks in Oregon/North America/Northern Hemisphere/Places Where Trees Grow, I'm facing a busy schedule of seeing friends, packing up all my stuff to move into a storage unit, and soaking in the last of the early fall beauty that the Pacific Northwest has to offer. I won't be seeing bugs, songbirds, trees, grass, or (too much) dirt in the next 5 months. Might sound like a little thing, but even smells will be greatly reduced due to the fact everything is frozen in Antarctica!

Fall Camping
I've been facing my fears about this trip: I don't really enjoy flying, especially as I've gotten older, even though I've flown in huge planes across the Atlantic, mid sized planes up and down the West Coast, and tiny planes in the Alaskan bush. I'm nervous about the long flight to New Zealand and the transport flight to Antarctica. These are all baseless, irrational fears, but they're OK to admit. I also get nervous about my job; whether I'll be able to pull my weight and if I'll be able to thrive in the harsh environment of Antarctica.

People are frequently saying that I'm "braver" than they are for doing a thing like going to Antarctica. The funny thing is, I don't consider myself a brave person. I am afraid. A lot. I'm afraid of the dark, I'm afraid of heights, I'm afraid of flying, I'm afraid of drowning, of getting hurt, and lots of other things.

However, being afraid, I've learned, isn't really a bad thing. Fear keeps the human species alive.

Enjoying good ol' PNW
I've learned, bit by bit to admit my fears, and choose to push through and do the thing I'm afraid of. That's how I learned to rock climb, how I got through grad school, how I started riding behind Josh on his motorcycle, and more. Even the little scary things like asking someone out on a date, standing up for myself, or challenging my own assumptions are little victories. Fear isn't really measured by the relative "scariness" or impressiveness of the thing you're afraid of; fear is fear. Antarctica is part of this journey of admitting my fears, and doing something while afraid, knowing that fear isn't worse than living a life unchallenged. I'm sure, on the other side of fear, will be new friends, beautiful landscapes, and lessons learned. I'm excited for all of that.

So next time you hear from me, I'll be writing from the bottom of the world! I've bought a huge tub of lotion to stay hydrated in one of the most arid deserts in the world, I've got my sweaters and long underwear to keep me warm in the coldest place in the world, and I've got my podcasts to keep me entertained in the only continent without an indigenous human population. I'm about to become both an American and an Antarctican!

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